counting down

 Today, there are: 

• 10 more days apart from my sweet Allen
• 19 work days remaining
• 28 days until I head west
• 43 days to retirement
• 51 days until we become Mr. & Mrs. Snyder 

At the beginning of the school year, these numbers seemed huge and like the days would never arrive. Now they are dwindling, and I can clearly see the reality of the events they represent. In the meantime, there is so much to take in, so much to cherish, so many things to do! A crazy amount of things to do. 

And many things to decide. Of course, with decisions (at least for me!), there is analysis of practicalities and then revisions. Lots of revisions. Sometimes new information comes in, and with that new info, there is new analysis and more revising. 

A ridiculous amount of time has been spent waiting. Many things, like retirement and Social Security, are nothing more than a waiting game. The work itself is done. Waiting is all that's left, and I grow impatient at times with the lack of movement. 

But time is moving. The days are indeed growing fewer. 

It’s easy for me at times to get caught up in the ticking off of items. It is in my nature to do so. It is in my nature, down the the very marrow of my bones, to accomplish tasks. To finish items. To complete jobs. I have always joked that people do not approach me (for the most part) because they need some warm and fuzzy moments. They come to me because I am the doer, the organizer, the completer. Well, it’s not really a joke at all. There is a great deal of truth in my *joke.*

And yet, I am in frequent conflict within my own head and heart. While I draw a great deal of pleasure in completing a task well, there is even more pleasure in spending time with those I love and even those I don’t know. Getting to know someone at a deeper level. Understanding them better. Discovering something new and unique that had previously been buried is one of the most satisfying feelings I experience.

In my counting down of days, I don’t want to lose sight of the people in my life who mean so incredibly much to me. My family, my friends, the sisters God has given me to fill a void that I didn’t even know I had. Allen’s family, who are already so precious to me. The countless number of children who have been part of my day-to-day life over the years for just a few weeks or for many years of contact, conversation, commitment. I want all these people to know how much I value them simply for who they are. They mean more than I could find the appropriate words to express. 

When it’s time for my final countdown, I don’t want to be remembered for the things I accomplished, my champion skills for checking off the greatest number of items from a list in a single setting, or even my organizational prowess. I want to be remembered as someone who valued friendship, family, children. Someone who made friends wherever she went. Someone who talked to strangers. Someone who loved deeply and held those around her dear. 

Tasks do have to be accomplished, items have to be ticked, forms have to be filled out. They do. But my prayer today is that those things hold their proper place in this life God has given me and that relationships and the building of them top every chart.