Don’t Blink

 

Music has spoken to me in so many new ways since I met Al. Some of the words have been soft and sweet like a Don William’s song. Some have been fun like Yes! by Chad Brock. Some have hit me over the head like a sledge hammer. Left me weak and in tears. 

In tears. 

I was working on the kitchen floor when this song came on. I’d heard it before but had never listened to every word. What it really said. This day, I listened. And the realization of the message broke my heart. I’ve quite frankly had enough of that — broken heartedness. I want it to be over. I want God to take it away, but the fact is that this is exactly how life happens. Life is heartbreaking at times. Childhood is gone. I married a wonderful man. We had a very good life together. We had children and grandchildren that we loved dearly. And then, in the blink of my eye, the grand kids will have families of their own. Not yet, but so very soon. 

I blinked and the life I had was gone. I'll blink again and the life I have right now will be over.

I cried. Brokenhearted for the loss of precious time. A life that is no longer mine. 

Thoughts of Ron and Al’s wife, Teresa, filled me. Memories. The wonderful stories Al has told me of their life. Their love. Thoughts of the lives we had as two separate couples. The impact these two very special people made on shaping both of us into the individuals we are today. The love and care they lavished on us and our families. I mourn the loss of Teresa as much as I mourn Ron. The Allen Snyder that I know and love today is a product of her love. A product of their life together. The times they shared.

We blinked. And where there were two distinct couples, only one remains. In some ways, this seems grossly unfair. Ron and Teresa were deprived of the joy we feel now. I don’t know how to explain it, but they are so closely with us. We are who we are as individuals and a couple only because of the lives we had with them. God blessed us with their love. 

We blinked.

And, now we start a new life together as most of our lives are gone. If we live to be the age of the man in the video . . . Well, that is not even 40 years. Another blink.

I don’t want to blink again. 

I want to savor every moment. I want a long, healthy, happy, productive life with with this amazing man that God has gifted me with. I want to cherish every moment to the extent that  every single moment is embedded intently in my mind. Embedded in his mind. My memory, and his memory. 

I cried. Brokenhearted that the life Al and I are beginning together will be lost so soon as precious time slips away again. 

Blinking is instinctive. It is how God made us. I know we will blink again. I will blink again. Like breathing, we can't help ourselves. It is the natural order of creation.

I want to cherish exactly where I am right now. Every day, every hour, every moment. 

Before I blink again.