4.5 months

how do you measure time?

I'll be honest, I never thought much of about it before. I was caught in the wave and just went with it. 

Since, March 29, I have

• said goodbye to my husband
• visited national and state cemeteries to start making plans on his internment 
• had a tooth pulled
• rearranged the townhouse I rented several times
• figured out my finances
• opened a new bank account
• looked at hundreds of pictures
• attended Ron's celebration of life
• contacted a number of agencies that helped to organize Ron's life
• looked for a house
• ordered groceries
• bought a house
• took several trips but not really a vacation
• packed, moved, unpacked
• decided on what I need to keep and what I can live without
• made plans for the new school year
• caught myself at least a million times saying we instead of me
• wondered what Ron would think, how he would feel, what he would say, how he would act another million times
• started a dental implant

Most of it is pretty mundane. life goes on. 

How much tv can I watch?

Why don't I feel like reading?

I'm still trying to figure out

• how to get my car to the shop and get to work while it's there
• how many groceries do I need to buy
• can I live on yogurt and healthy choice meals
• how many hours I really need to sleep
• how late can i stay up
• how do I do the things Ron always did
• do I stay here, do I go there
• if I go there, where is it that I go to

All those things seemed automatic before. They were easier as we than they are with just me. 

I don't want to withdraw. I'm trying hard to be active. 

It's just a 4.5 month journey. I don't know where it will take me.