friends & family

Hospice is amazing. The first few days we were home from the hospital, things went well. Did we need this help? Did he need these meds they prescribed?

We did. 

Saturday we rested and enjoyed being home. With Brandon, we ate, we drank, we talked. We started the routine of bags and flushing. Choosing the easiest and most comfortable. Supplies arrive. 

Sunday was more of the same. We had visits from nurses and social workers and ministers. Flake & LuAnn. Rick & Kathy. Great visit with old friends.

Monday, Ron insisted we work on taxes. We sat outside in the sun. He gave himself a sponge bath at the kitchen sink. He's eating. Asking about food. He's still making sure he's taking the right meds at the right time. He has a counting ritual. Katie & Abby come after school. 

Tuesday, he's tired. We change his side table. The first one was too tall. He can't lift his cup on it easily. Trying to keep up with his water. We add morphine to the mix of meds. 

Wednesday, he fell. He's determined to get himself up. He couldn't. EMTs come and help us. Jack visits. This one is much harder.

Thursday, Ron slept a lot. Ate less. Harold visited. He reminded me how strong Ron is. My brother, Tim and his precious daughters, Bre and Elisabeth, came to spend Thursday night and Friday with us. 

Friday, the day is spent with Tim and the girls. Ron ate very little. A spoonful of chocolate ice cream. Tim prayed before they left. He asked God for a miraculous healing. Ron told him that was not going to happen, but he would see him again one day in glory. 

I cried. Is this really the end? They told us months. It hasn't been weeks!

Joe comes. We visit as much as we can. Take care of Ron as best we can. We help with his water. 

Saturday, we get a hospital bed. Angie and Andrew visit. I know this has been hard on everyone who has visited. Angie takes it particularly hard. Joe bathes Ron and helps me with the sheets. Levi and Elliot say their goodbyes. 

Sunday, there is more sleep. The bed irritates Ron. We guess at his needs. He can't express himself understandably. He wants to get back in the chair. He's grown use to sitting up. Breathing is hard. Joe calls Brandon and tells him the end is near. One last smile. How quickly we are losing him. 

Monday. Brandon arrives. After school, Katie brings treats. Ann delivers dinner for Brandon and me. I fall asleep early on the couch next to Ron that has been my bed since he's come home. Ron's last night. Vaguely, I hear talking. Brandon is sitting next to his dad. Holding his hand. Speaking to him gently. 

Tuesday, I woke up before dawn and glanced at Ron's bags. They aren't too full, so I went back to sleep. When the morning ritual starts, the bags are cold. He is gone. No more pain. No more suffering. A new beginning for him. Every word he utters is now understood. He's dancing on streets of gold in the presence of our loving Savior. 

We are not. We are still here. With the pain. Surrounded by so many wonderful people, but so alone. 

I don't know how Ron would feel about this picture. It's the hardest one for me to look at. The wasting away in such a short time period. The loss is so visual. He was not a vain man, but he knew he was charming. I can still see a spark of his charm even with all he's lost physically. 

And I need to see this picture. I need to remember when I get mad at him for leaving me. He had to go.