getting acclimated

I am so grateful I did not have to spend the first few weeks of this madness alone! 

The boys (not boys anymore) were here, friends dropped by, families from church brought dinner and visited. 

Cindy came. She had been in VA. Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm not sure that she didn't cut that trip short. Everything was so much at the time. The week is a blur, but I vaguely remember figuring out how to get into accounts, pay bills, reset passwords.

You may be wondering why I didn't know that stuff. I'm a strong and thoroughly modern woman. At least I've thought of myself as that for many years. There is a back story here. One Sunday morning we were driving to church. I don't remember the exact time, but the boys were very small. At that time, I kept the checkbook and paid the bills. But that particular Sunday, Ron asked about the balance and got a little snippy with me about the number. So I gave the job to him and he did it for well over 35 years. I never gave banking a second thought again until March. 

I really hadn't considered how many things he did. Ron's domain. Filling up the cars, getting groceries, taking out the trash, service things like the semi-annual heater/air check. Vacations, reservations, making tedious phone calls. 

Now all those things, along with the ones I keep discovering, are mine and mine alone. 

I made phone calls in that time in-between my friends. I sat on the front porch, so I wouldn't feel as alone. 

I called:

• Medicare
• BCBSNC
• Retirement Plans
• Social Security
• Life Insurance
• Attorney
• VA

Who did I forget that day? I have no idea. 

Every call began with, "I'm sorry for your loss."

Every call ended with, "Have a nice day."

I took stock of my assets.

I took stock of my debts. 

Sharon's husband is an attorney and he answered so many questions in those early days. 

I paid off bills.

I wrote the credit bureaus.

I sorted through and disposed of items with Cindy and Sharon's help. 

It's a start, but no where near the path I want to travel. When you are on the road with someone you love, I don't think it matters how the loss occurs. It's painful. Acclimation will come with time and patience and practice. I know that like so many experiences in my life, this one will make me stronger. Eventually. Ron used to say that boot camp tore you down so you could come back stronger. This is me being torn down.