back to work

I returned to work on Monday 4/25. I was out for three and a half weeks after Ron died. I might have gone back sooner, but Spring Break was the third full week. It gave me some padding. 

To say I was unprepared to walk back into the building is an understatement. It was all I could do to get up and there. Then it was all I could do to walk into the building. I was not prepared at all to deal with people much less teach. NOT AT ALL.

My office became my refuge. And it was a hot mess. I had been at work one day pushing things into the office to deal with later. I left at noon on March 17 and did not return. A mess. 

One thing I know about myself is that staying busy helps me with all kinds of emotions. Working on a project gives me focus. An opportunity to refocus. I refocused on my office that week. I peeked out occasionally to see people. Talk to people. Cry. 

The response to crying is polar in nature. It's either, "I'm so glad you can show how you feel," or "I didn't mean to upset you. Let's talk about something else." Middle ground is rare.

Crying at work is awkward. There are times I can't help myself though. It's just part of the process.